The legends
They would, however, buy you a coffee and nod thoughtfully at a spreadsheet.
Head Broker · Principal · Vibes Officer
Once shook hands with a rate lock and lived to tell the tale. Specialises in nodding thoughtfully at spreadsheets and saying “hmm, interesting LVR” at parties. Favourite lender: whoever has the funniest logo that week.
Head of Credit · Chief No-er
Can spot a soft credit enquiry from three suburbs away. Keeps a sacred spreadsheet titled Reasons We Can’t (currently 847 rows and growing). Softens declines with a joke. Sometimes.
Head of Getting It Over the Line · Ex-Broker · LMI After Dark
Plot twist: we hired a real broker. Seven years on the tools, now the guy who talks everyone else off the ledge. Will run an LMI calc at 6pm on a Friday, from a Coles car park, without sighing. Favourite client: the one who sent the payslips the first time.
Head of Client Experience · Meme Laureate · IMDB
Won a Stevie Award for customer service and still will not read from a script. Used to run a cafe, which is why the hold music smells like espresso. Funny on a delay. Knows every film ever made and approximately 40% of responsible lending. Writes the bios. This one included.
Photos: the lot of them from real shots, then run through a Ghibli filter because this is not a real brokerage. Please do not refinance based on any of them.
